


It is difficult to be a relative sometimes

by emerwenaranel



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-03-19 16:27:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18973744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emerwenaranel/pseuds/emerwenaranel
Summary: Rian sometimes gets jealous but she is trying to deal with her feelings.





	1. Jealousy

Another morning dawned, and the sky was painted with golden and red shades. Those colors were most vivid, they were glorious, reminding people that nature could be astoundingly beautiful, much more powerful than the Dark Lord, the Enemy who could never be able to defile this kind of beauty. Rian stood still to admire the morning sky because it was suche a gorgeous sight. She sighed in relief, knowing that this kind of beauty was everlasting. She wished that she could live forever just to admire nature's neauty but she was only a mortal, and she had to accept her fate. Suddenly, she saw a very familiar person coming towards her and she felt that she was interrupted that moment. Rian was standing in the middle of a field, wishing that she was left alone.  
But Morwen wanted to talk to her, it was obvious that her first cousin needed to talk to someone that moment, but Rian hated this interrutpion. She wished that she could bne left alone and think instead of being dictated on how she was supposed to feel and think. She hated it when others thought that she was weak. That moment, she was jealous of Morwen because everyone had a high opinion of her. Morwen may be perceived as a cold-hearted woman, but people loved her for her wisedom. People were so happy when she married Hurin because she was so beautiful, worthy to be the wife of the Lord of Dor-lomin. But what happened to Rian? She was usually ignored by others, people did not pay attention to this shy girl who loved nature and music.  
But Rian wished that she was as Morwen. Then, she would not be jealous of her cousin. She would not feel this awful feeling that was hurting her that moment. She wished that she could get over the jealousy she was feeling that moment, but it was still there, it stang like a bee, and Rian hated that. She hoped that she would be mature enough in the near futre, mature enough to not feel this dreadful jealousy ever again. She was still jealous of Morwen that moment, however, and she wanted her to go away. She only wanted to stand still and admire the colours of the morning sky. She only wanted to be left alone, to forget of this world, of its cruel people, of those who were superior to her. Because she always thought that Morwne was superior to her.  
But Morwen was getting closer and closer and she was worried.   
"Where have you been?" she asked Rian. "I was worried about you because I could not find you in your room. I feared that something bad had happened to you. Who knows who could have kindnapped you?"  
"I am fine, really" Rian spoke with a clam voice, and she was surprised by her calmness, vosnidering how she was feeling for her cousin that moment. "Who could have hurt me when Dor-lomin is much safer than ever before? Hurin and Huor have done their best to keep this land free from our enemies, and this means that nobody can hurt me."  
"But you could have told me that you were about to have a walk. Alas! I cannot help it, Rian! I will always be worried for you because you have suffered so much! You still remember the loss of our fathers, and I wish that you could forget what happened to them."  
"Stop treating me like a child!" Rian protested that moment. She was angry for the first time in her life, she hated it when others treated her like a child. "I am old enough to deal with the pain, you cannot be so worried for others. Let me be, let me do whatever I want. Nobody carws enough for me to do something. Not even to hurt me."  
"But I care! I care!" Morwen shouted in pain, hurt by her cousin's anger. She was utterly surprised by Rian's anger, she always thought that her cousin was calm, too calm for this world. "And I would never hurt you."  
"But you are hurting me right now, treating me as if I am a child. I am not so weak as to cry for my father's loss. I am not that weak to cry for my mother's death. I will not die of grief, just like mother. I do not want you to act as if I get hurt easily when you know that I am safe here. I can deal with the cruelty of life as long as people treat me with respect. But I doubt that all those people, including you, respect me."  
"I respect you!" Morwen screamed. It was her time to get angry, it was her time to get hurt by Rian's words. She could not understand why Rian was acting like this. But it suddenly dawned on her. Rian was jealous of her because Morwen was the older person there, she was considered to be more intelligent and wiser, and poor Rian could not deal with that. This was the moment when Morwen hugged her cousin, trying to comfort her.  
Rian started crying that moment, hating herself for being so mean to one of the very few people who cared for her in this world. But she could nto utter a word that moment, even though she wanted to apologise for what she had said to Morwen.  
"It is alright" Morwen whispered with kindness and affection in her voice. "I know it is hard for you because you are too young to be treated fairly by others, but I know that you are not naive. You are much better than most people think because you suffered more than them. You are better than them because you remained kind because you want to see the good in this world. But I doubt that I am as kind as you are, my precious Rian! I am cold of heart, and I hate that, but life has made me a bitch."  
"I do not think that you are a bitch" Rian whispered in shock when she heard her cousin's words. "I deeply admire you because you are always here for me. Nobody else does that. I wish that people would care for us but we are exiles still, and I doubt that people care enough for our pain."  
"I know!" Morwen sighed in pain that moment. "Beleriand is wide and houseless for exiles. And I doubt that we can return to our homeland. Ladros is destroyed, and we have to stay here, hoping that we will be accepted and loved one day."  
"I wish we could go back, I wish that our parents were still alive. But I have to deal with the cruel reality. I hope that I will not lose you as well, however. I hope that you will be strong for both of us. Because I doubt that I can be as strong as you are. I wish I could fight like Hurin and Huor. But I doubt that I can do such a thing."


	2. Crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rian shows her sensitivity once again.

Rian was crying now, not knowing what to say to her cousin. She was crying because she was so ashamed of herself that moment. She hated herself for being so jealous of Morwen but she always thought that her cousin were so much better than her. She wished that she could be good at something as well but she doubted that moment that she was good at anything. She spoke about that to Morwen, and the latter tried to reassure Rian, to make her feel happy for once. "You are a great musician and singer" Morwen spoke with a soft tone in her voice. "And you are the kindest person I know."  
Rian shook her head in dismay that moment. "I am not as good as you tink. If I was good, I would not be jealous of you."  
"What if I tell you that I am jealous of you?" Morwen asked her younger cousin. "I am jealous of you because you are much kinder than I am. You are strong because you are so sensitive. And do not forget that you are strong because you are sensitive. People do not gossip you just like they gossip me. They think I am cruel and cold of heart. I hate it when they say that. But they appreciate you because you are so ind, my precious Rian!"  
Rian gulped that moment, she had no idea that people disliked Morwen. She loved Morwen so much, even though she was jealous of her sometimes, that she could not imagine that others had a low opinion of her. "They do not know what they are saying" she was crying again. "Hurin loves you, and they are jealous of that. Just like I am jealous. I think that you are much better than most people think, you are much kinder than they think. I know you so well because we are closely related. Thus, I know you are a great person, and this is the reason why I am so jealous of you."  
Morwen shook her head. "I think you are jealous of me because I am compared to an elf maiden. People find me attractive, they claim I am a gorgeous woman, and this is the reason why most women are jealous of me. This is the reason why you are jealous of me as well. But I forgive you because I love you too much. I am constantly worried about you because I know that you should be born in a different world, in a much better world, my dear cousin. I hope that you were safe and happy in this world. But alas! You are living in a cruel world, Rian! I wonder if you will survive this cruelty. I am trying to be strong for Hurin and our son. But who will take care of you?" she wondered.  
Rian pondered those words, while still crying. "What about Huor, your husband's brother? He seems to love me just like I love him. I want to marry him. It shall me the moment when I will be happy. I want to marry him because he is the best man I know in this world. I want to be with him becuase he is much kinder than most people think. I can see this great kindness in his eyes, a kindness that most people ignore. Why can I not be with him? I want him to love me as much as I love him. I want to be with him forever. But I fear that he will die young because he keeps fighting against the Dark Lord's servants" she spoke.  
"Do not speak of such dark words!" Morwen hissed. "Huor cannot die so young! I will speak to my husband, howeve,r and we will see when the wedding can take place. I want you to be as happy as I am. If happiness has a place in this world. I want to be with you for the rest of this day because I want you to feel better. What if we go to pick some flowers at the field? It is the right season to see those flowers in full blossom" she suggested.  
"Yes, we could do that" Rian nodded her head, trying to stop crying. But the tears were still flowing down on her cheeks because it was so difficult to calm down that moment. She wanted to be as strong as Morwen because Morwen never cried. She was not cold of heart, Rian knew that, but she could hide her pain so well. Rian wished that she could hide her pain also. She had to be cold of heart for once and be strong, just like her older cousi nwas. But she was too sensitive to be cold. She was too sensitive to be strong. She doubted that she would ever become a stronger person, even though Morwen's words were so comforting.  
Rian followed her to the field where the flowers were in full blossom. Many children were there, already picking up flowers. Rian picked up a rose and she offered her to Morwen. She thought that moment that life was too short, just like this flower's life was too short. She hated the idea of dying too young, but she had to accept her cruel fate. She would die at a young age, she knew it, she could feel it. But she did not speak about that to Morwen because she did not want her cousin to get angry. Thus, she remained silent and she was lost in thoughts, wondering what the future would bring.


	3. The field

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rian and Morwen are in the midst of the field, and they are silent for a while.

Rian was silent for a while, lost in her thoughts as she was picking up flowers. She did not know what to say to her cousin because she was ashamed of herself that moment. She wished that she had not spoken to Morwen like this but she could not change what had happened a few moments earlier. She had to accept defeat and apologise to her first cousin for what she had said to her but it was impossible to utter a word that moment. She was sure that her cheeks had turned red from shame that moment but she hoped that Morwen had not noticed that.  
"Impossible" Rian thought. "I am sure that Morwen has noticed that I have blushed because I am so ashamed of myself now."  
Morwen had, indeed, noticed the red cheeks of her cousin but she chose not to comment on that because she did not want Rian to feel even worse. She cared for her young cousin deeply, and she knew that it was difficult for Rian to live as an exile at Dor-lomin. Even though they were both children when Dagor Bragollach took place, they remember that battle most vividly, because this battle was the reason why they lost their beloved ones. And the pain was still there, it was too real, and sahe doubted that Rian would ever get over this cruel pain. She hated that so much.  
She could only hope that Rian would heal with time, she hoped that there would be someone who would love her deeply, and Huor could be that guy. Of course, Huor was a fierce warrior, someone who had slain hundreds of orcs, but he could be tender at the same time. And Morwen was sure that he loved Rian because she was so different from all the other women he knew. Huor would never look at Morwen the way he looked at Rian. Yes, he loved her, that was for sure, so there was no reason for Rian to be so jealous of her cousin. Besides, Morwen was already married, and she was happy with Hurin.  
But Rian was still too young, she was not of age yet, so they had to wait for her to grow up and be an adult. "There is no reason for her to marry at a very young age, just like I did" Morwen thought.  
She should not be impatient, even though she was scared of Huor losing his life too soon on the battlefield. On the other hand, she should not be thinking like this. She should think that Huor would survive and marry Rian, who deserved all the love in the world. But Morwen always feared for the worst, she had the gift of foresight, and she feared that Rian's and Huor's happiness was not meant to last forever. But she did not say that to her dear cousin because she did not want to scare her. Instead, she hugged her tightly, smiling at her, and saying that the flowers were so beautiful.  
Rian nodded in agreement, and she smelled the flowers that moment. Their fragrance was wonderful, it somehow calmed her down, and she smiled timidly at Morwen. "I really did not know what to say to her right now" she thought. So, she chose to remain silent because she was feeling more comfortable in silence. She hoped that it would last forever as she was walking on the field, which was full of beautiful flowers, shining brightly because it was midday. But a merciful breeze was blowing on their faces as they were walking side by side, in silence, but it seemed that they could still communicate with their thoughts.  
Rian was wondering if Huor loved her. She knew that he was a man of honour, someone who loved his people fiercely, and he would do everything to protect them. But would he protect her as well? She did not know but she hoped that he would. And she wanted to marry him as soon as possible because she loved him deeply. She hoped that he would love her back because she deserved to be loved as well. Only then, she would heal from the terrible pain she had been feeling for years for her parents' loss. Only Huor could bring joy in her innocent heart. Because she was pure and kind, indeed.  
So, Rian prayed to the Valar that they would bring happiness in her life because she deserved it as much as her cousin did. She wanted to smile for once instead of composing sad songs about fallen warriors and devastated lands. She wanted to compose a song about love and happiness, about marital life of people who loved each other deeply. She had to do this and she hoped that Huor, the love of her life, would enjoy listening to her voice and to her music. It was a way of courting him, the only way she knew about flirting. And she smiled shyly at this thought.


	4. And they are at peace with themselves now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rian and Morwen decide that they must improve their relationship.

Morwen was sad that moment because she thought that Rian was still jealous of her. She realised that her young cousin was also ashamed of herself for what she had done and said. So, she told her that she had forgiven her, and Rian felt better that moment, to the point she smiled brightly. This was what she wanted to hear that moment, she really wanted to be forgiven for feeling like this. She forgot of her shame, she forgot how cruel she had been and she soflty touched Morwen's hands. "I hope that everything will be better soon. I will not feel jealous again, I promise. Not now, that I know that Huor loves me."  
"I am sure that Huor loves you" Morwen's face beamed.  
"Yes, I can see it in his eyes, he loves listening to me singing and playing music, as if I can help him forget the terror of war. I want him to forget that and I want him to be at peace with himself" Rian explained.  
"I think that you have already accomplished that because he loves you so much. He has spoken to his brother, and they want to talk to you about that. But, please, pretend that you are surprised when Huor will tell you that he loves you deeply" Morwen advised her cousin.  
"I cannot pretend to feel something I cannot, and you know that" Rian said.  
"I know that, but Huor wants to surprise you. On the other hand, I do not think that he is so eloquent, so you must help him find the right words to say" Morwen giggled at the thought of Huor trying to reveal a feeling that he had not experienced before.  
"I wil ltell him that I love him, and that will do. I know that he is not as eloquent as his brother is, but I am sure that he will find the right words to say when he will approach me tonight" Rian told.  
"I truly hope that because I want you to be happy" Morwen claimed. "I love you so much that I want you to be the happiest person on earth. So, I hope that you will be happy when you wed Huor, the brother of Hurin Thalion."  
"I will be too happy if he marries me. I want to marry him ebcause he is so different from all the men I know. He may be silent and introvert, unlike Hurin, but I know him so well, and I know that he is a brave and kind man at the same time" Rian smiled happily at the thought of the forthcoming marriage.  
"I wish you the best because I wish that you will be safe and happy in this world" Morwen hoped. "I want you to be with Huor because he knows you too well and he will protect you at all costs. He cares deeply for you, he is a man who can love deeply, even though most people do not believe he can. They only know the side of the fierce warrior, but he can be tender. I can see that tenderness in his eyes" Morwen told her cousin.  
"I know he can, and I trust him completely. I trust him with my own life because he respects me. You know me too well, Morwen, I want a man who will respect me and cherish me. I need someone who will not have a problem with my sensitivity and shyness. I need someone who will understand me and accept who I am" Rian spoke.  
"I know that, and this is the reason why Huor loves you so much. He understands you because he needs a woman like you. You also differ too much, Rian, daughter of belegund, and we all love you for this reason."  
"I do not think that many people love me because I am so different" Rian shook her head in dismay.  
"Why do you think they hate you?" Morwe nwas surprised by the adolescent's words.  
"Because they think I am too sensitive for this war that is constantly tormented by war. I truly hate war because it deprived me from all the people I love. I hope that I will not lose Huor, though" Rian replied.  
"I also hope that you will not lose him" Morwen prayed that moment.  
"I know that he constantly has to fight, and that a big battle will take place sooner than I expect. But I feel that he may return from that battle. Or so I hope" Rian also prayed.  
"I also hope the best for us all, even though I know that Morgoth is too strong for us. But we may win this war, my dear cousin, and we will never live in fear again. On the other hand, I wonder if my husband's optimism is far too great. I fear sometimes that we will lose this war, and this will bring even more despair to us."  
"Do not speak of dark words!" Rian shivered that moment. "I do not want to think about losing this war. I want to believe that happiness will come."  
"I truly hope that, Rian! I truly hope that!" Morwen shouted.  
"Shall we return home?" Rian asked. "We are missing for many hours, and I want to have some rest. This day is so exhausting. I need to drink something, a glass of wine, preferably."  
"Yes, I also need a glass of red wine" Morwen smiled, trying to forget her dark feelings about the future.


End file.
